||[Jun. 26th, 2011|08:31 pm]
Today was incredible. I found out about the sf pride parade on friday and spent a decent amount of time figuring out how to get there today. Getting there made me a bit nervous because I didn't really know anywhere and had to fight crowds on the caltrain. I got to the google start and there were just way more people than I'd imagined. They gave us balloons to hold while we marched which was awesome. At this point, I was still standing around looking for people I knew and wasn't finding anyone. Then a couple of interns I met at orientation found me and we stood around for a long time and talked. We got to watch pieces of the parade, then a truck with a cable car skin on it appeared with a google banner. That was our float ^_^|
We watched some of the parade then *finally* got to enter it. We marched in front of the float and after a while, we started talking. Miklos and Dan talked about being gay and this was when I found out they were both gay. They asked me if I was gay too or just supporting and I told them I was trans. Miklos was genuinely curious and I answered a few questions of his such as whether I'd be into girls or guys after the transition and when did I realize I was trans. Then we realized we were 1/4 mile ahead of the float so we decided to stay back and wait for it so we could march with it. Right after it caught us, they realized they were way behind and the car started driving fast and we ran beside it to catch up. All the while music was blasting and people were cheering us on from the crowd. It truly was magical.
After the parade, we went to get burgers. I was fairly dehydrated at this point, so I had to drink a lot of water slowly and didn't feel so great. Didn't manage to finish my fries, but I felt better after a couple glasses of water at lunch. At lunch, we met up with Eric, Dan's ride, and two indian girls. After lunch, Eric wanted to meet up with a friend and Dan's ride didn't want to go to the festival so me, dan, miklos, and the two indian girls (didn't get their names) headed off to the festival. The festival was really a disappointment. It was more crowded than disneyland and all there was was food and drink and some stages for music. If I'd been feeling better, I'd have probably dived into the crowd, but as it was, we just wandered for a couple hours then decided we wanted to leave the crowd.
We met up with Eric again outside the festival and then talked about plans. At this point, it was 3:45 and we were all tired since we'd gotten up at 6am. We thought about what we could do for an hour in sf, but in the end, they wanted to go to starbucks, then we just walked to the caltrain and went home.
Along the walk to the caltrain, orientations came up again and I found out one of the girls was a lesbian. I asked if her parents knew, and she said yes. I asked if they were ok with it and she said "no, they disowned me"
I told her about me being trans and how I was too much of a coward to wear a skirt there and she said I should have. Then I explained how I just got it and wanted to take slow steps and always to feel like I have a way out in case I panic. She then asked me when I realized I was trans. The last thing she said was that she knew some people who were trans and suggested I go to india for surgeries like facial hair removal. It was a reminder that I still have to think about electrolysis and my voice in addition to just hormones.
And as for the narrative of how I realized I was trans: In highschool, I was always jealous that girls got to wear bright colors and thought men's fashion was boring. So looking back, since I started to find myself (around my 15th birthday), me being trans was always semi obvious, as amy pointed out to me. Then in college, I visited the idea multiple times, probably once freshman year, then once sophomore year spring, liking it more and more every time I saw it. Spring sophomore year, I started to seriously consider it and this is when I told kevin. The summer after, I finally accepted myself as an introvert, said "fuck social rules," and decided I was probably trans. In retrospect, I don't consider me realizing I was trans to be a big discovery, the big revelation was that I was an introvert and that was ok.
Overall, today was incredible and I know more people who are gay and who know I'm trans and are ok with it. I'm definitely going to this again next year ^_^